As America’s bureaucratic swamp is being drained by the fearless engineers of DOGE spearheaded by Elon Musk, one name rises above the rest: Edward “BIG BALLS” Coristine.
Coristine, a brilliant coder, has been making waves in Washington. At just 19, he’s already worked at Neuralink, has been spotted within key government agencies, and recently secured a senior adviser role at the State Department’s Bureau of Diplomatic Technology—propelled by the media hysteria surrounding his moniker.
The leftist media, desperate to smear him, has dug up his past, highlighting controversies and accusing him of rubbing elbows with hackers.
New York Magazine reported:
Edward Coristine got his nickname by accident. In math class during his junior year at Rye Country Day School, students were passing notes and, “when it got to him, he drew a phallic object and wrote BIG BALLS on it,” according to a current upperclassman. “Then a math teacher took it out of his hands and read it out loud to the class. Then I guess he embraced it because he changed his LinkedIn name to that.” Angad Sethi, one of Coristine’s best friends from high school, says, “To him, it was sort of talking about having big balls, being a risk-taker. That’s who he is. It was a joke, but it does have a meaning.”
Big Balls is now part of a revolution sweeping Washington, D.C., led by Elon Musk’s so-called Department of Government Efficiency, which in a series of lightning strikes has shut down the U.S. Agency for International Development, gained access to sensitive information on tens of millions of Americans, and initiated a purge of the federal workforce. A 19-year-old with a broccoli perm and piercing stare in his yearbook photo, Coristine has popped up everywhere, demanding that staffers justify their jobs by explaining their biggest “wins” and inquiring how to replace employees with AI and chatbots. By the end of his first month, he was inside the Departments of State and Homeland Security, the Small Business Administration, FEMA, and the top cybersecurity agency. He is the youngest of a group of six male engineers who work for Musk, sustained by pizza and Red Bull. Beleaguered government employees have taken to calling their young overlords “Muskrats.”
Coristine’s hometown of Larchmont, a wealthy, mostly liberal enclave about an hour north of New York City, is an unlikely breeding ground for a right-wing foot soldier. His father, Charles, is a Wall Street veteran who bought the organic-snack company LesserEvil in 2011 and turned it into a behemoth with annual sales exceeding $100 million. (LesserEvil emailed customers “in light of recent events” to say that it is in “no way” affiliated with politics.) “His dad definitely inspires him,” Sethi says. And so does Musk: Coristine taught himself how to code and skipped senior prom to intern at Musk’s Neuralink, which develops brain-implantable computer chips. “It’s a compulsory thing for him to achieve,” Sethi says.
For the most part, Coristine was a normal teenager, wrestling and playing tennis, but he was a MAGA leader of the politics club at a predominantly liberal school and had Musk-like ambitions that led him to wear his early rejections as a badge of honor.
[…]
Coristine has been linked to the Com, a network of Telegram and Discord channels that functions as a loose community for cybercriminals. In 2022, when he was 16, he lost a contract job as a system engineer at Path Network, a firm that markets protection from distributed denial-of-service attacks, allegedly for leaking corporate information to a rival company. In a Discord chat a few months later, Coristine didn’t explicitly deny the leak but chalked up his firing to corporate jealousy. “I was doing nothing contractually wrong,” he wrote. “Paranoia ended up terminating me.”
[…]
Before he left high school, Coristine established an internet-service-provider company called Packetware, which hosted a number of domains he controlled. The Substack Musk Watch found one of them, Tesla.Sexy, which advertised “fake links, lots of cool domains, and effects to put on your images for ultimate shitposting.” When he registered a block of addresses for Packetware, Coristine wrote BALLERS in the description field.
Read more here.
But what the mainstream media won’t tell you is that Coristine is reportedly the descendant of a true Cold War hero—a Soviet KGB officer who betrayed the communist machine for the cause of freedom!
The left’s head will surely explode!
According to an independent journalist Jacob Silverman, Coristine’s grandfather, Valery Martynov, was a KGB spy stationed in Washington, D.C., during the 1980s.
But instead of blindly serving the brutal Soviet empire, he made a choice that defined his legacy—he switched sides, working in secret with the FBI to undermine the Soviet Union’s intelligence operations.
His heroic decision led to the exposure of vital KGB secrets and gave the United States an edge in the Cold War.
According to Silverman, Martynov’s espionage career came crashing down when KGB counterintelligence officer Victor Cherkashin, with the help of CIA turncoat Aldrich Ames and FBI mole Robert Hanssen, exposed his betrayal.
In a calculated trap, Cherkashin summoned Martynov back to Moscow in November 1985 under the guise of escorting defecting-then-redefecting KGB officer Vitaly Yurchenko. Upon his arrival, Martynov was immediately arrested, and after pleading guilty, he was executed on May 28, 1987.
His widow, Natalya Martynova, later emigrated to the United States with their two children. Their daughter, Anna, married Charles Coristine, CEO and president of LesserEvil popcorn, making Edward their son and Valery Martynov’s grandson.
Stamford Advocate also reported on Edward’s parents:
Coristine’s father, Charles Coristine, is CEO of LesserEvil snack food company in Danbury, as the Boston Globe reported. The Globe also reported that the younger Coristine was a student at Northeastern University.
Edward Coristine is a principal for a company called Tesla.Sexy, among others, according to business records filed with the Connecticut Secretary of the State’s office.
[…]
The business is listed at an address in New Canaan owned by Charles Coristine and Anna Martynova, municipal property records show. Charles Coristine and Anna Martynova both have businesses listed at the same address. A woman who answered the phone at a number listed for Martynova hung up Wednesday after a reporter identified himself.
In a video linked from a website for a yoga-like studio called Breathe Movement Studio in Westchester County, New York, Martynova identifies as a native of Russia.
Of course, Elon Musk responded to this news with fire.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) February 22, 2025
The post DOGE’s Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine Turns Out to be a Descendant of Soviet KGB Spy Who Betrayed the USSR for America: Report appeared first on The Gateway Pundit.